Dedicated to:
Austin, for always being there for me. My friends and family that have always supported my poetry. And Morgan, for helping me when I have writers block and giving me new ideas. We make one diabolical pair.
Thank you all so much for being there for me. You all have inspired me to continue writing.
Sunshine
It doesn’t matter where he is,
Or how far away he lives,
I know that he will always be here for me.
He lives with me, in my heart and soul.
He would challenge the Heavens to be with me.
He would aim to freeze Hell just to find me.
The love of my life, my soul mate and true love,
Would do anything to hold my hand and kiss my lips.
The things he says and does,
The way he will gently hold me close in a hug,
Always makes my tummy flutter with excitement and love.
Always making my heart jump and skip a beat.
My love, always putting a smile on my face;
He’s always making me laugh at the silliest things.
I love those nights we stay up,
Just talking on the phone for hours about why we love each other.
I love him more than words can describe.
More than there are stars and sky.
I love his imperfections.
He is my sunshine on a rainy day.
Screams
The days grow short,
as the killings
increase.
The hunters will rise,
to hear your screams.
You
may hide,
and you may fight.
But you cannot escape,
the
hunter's night.
Red as blood,
a river flows.
Beautiful
and lovely,
Like a bleeding rose.
The days grow short,
as
the killings increase.
The red river flows,
carrying your
screams.
For What It’s Worth
My poetry is both a cry for help,
And a warning not to get too close.
Save me from my depression
But don’t get too emotionally attached.
Each word, written or typed,
Each thought of desperation,
Unsure if I want someone to find me;
Or to leave me and save themselves from the heartbreak.
The truth hurts more than the lies.
The realization hits harder than the imagination.
Can you handle what I have to say?
Would you do something about it?
My poetry is my soul in words.
My thoughts said aloud.
My secrets shared,
And secrets gained.
Each day it gets harder to lie.
Each night I wonder if I should speak up.
To ask for help;
Or to warn them to stay away.
No one understands the way I see the world.
Colors are brighter,
But the meaning is darker.
Perhaps that’s just the lie talking.
There is only one place I cannot lie to anyone.
In my poetry and my written words,
I cannot bring myself to do it.
Because I can’t lie to myself, no matter how much I want to.
Don’t get attached.
Live through life pretending.
Don’t get hurt.
But is it really worth it?
Child-Like Innocence
Memories of
innocence and laughter.
The
smiles of children with soft little giggles.
The
thin line between innocence and corruption.
The
time between day and night.
The
cries of an angel shedding her tears in heaven.
Each
tear, a rain drop on this earth.
Washing
away the dirt and pain.
Leaving
the world fresh and alive.
A
child's heart beating gently against their chest,
their
silent breaths as they sleep in the night.
Untainted
by the evil that surrounds them.
The
purity about them that protects the innocent.
The
fading memory of child-like happiness.
The
fearlessness inside their eyes as they face new challenges.
The
angels smiling down to their children,
Hoping
this innocence and courage lasts.
Afraid
Who’d have thought,
Someone like him,
Could love a coward like me?
I’m afraid to lose him.
I’m afraid to ask certain things.
I’m afraid of the world.
I have so many fears.
I’m a coward.
I take the blame because I’m afraid.
I’m afraid of my heart.
I’m afraid of others being hurt.
I’m simply afraid.
He’s told me so many times,
Why he loves me.
I’m still surprised.
How can he love
A person with so many fears?
And so many weaknesses?
Serial Killer
I feel each drop of rain pounding against my skin.
The cold that chills my bones to the very core.
The downfall of angel’s tears,
Masking the fall of mine.
The haunting memories of that night.
My hands are still stained red.
My heart still broken into a thousand pieces.
The image of the fear in their eyes burned into my mind.
But it’s not my fault!
They should have stayed quiet.
They didn’t have to die.
I didn’t mean to lose my temper.
They were gonna tell on me.
They saw what I did.
They knew.
I had to stop them.
I close my eyes tightly, blocking out the world around me.
All I can hear are those blood curdling screams.
The feel of the knife in my hands,
I felt safe.
They walked in at the wrong moment.
They came in just as the mask came down.
I was no longer the sweet innocent one they knew.
I was a killer; a murderer.
The rain is coming down faster.
My body is becoming colder with each drop.
Each motion of the memory is still vivid in my mind.
Each picture is repeating itself to me.
I’m sorry.
They shouldn’t have pulled out their cell.
They should have helped me move the body.
I use to call them my friends.
They knew why I had to do it.
I couldn’t risk getting caught.
This was my life.
They were going to ruin it.
I just had to rid myself of one person.
Then it became three.
It wasn’t my fault.
I told them not to come over.
I can still see the blood on my floors.
I haven’t washed those clothes either.
Their bodies are all sleeping peacefully in my living room.
I’m still deciding if I’m keeping them as a trophy or as guilt.
I trusted them all.
The first disappointed me.
The second and third simply didn’t understand.
It’s their fault.
I was not on drugs when I did this.
I’m not drinking as I stand here in the pouring rain.
I am simply me.
I am a serial killer.
I wonder when people will notice them missing.
When I will turn them in.
Or even how I will continue living.
After all, I’m not at fault.
Passion Strength
Passion.
The race of our hearts as adrenaline rushes through our veins.
The need to express out desires and concerns.
To burn away the bridge that lets you go back,
Back to nothing and the safety of nothing.
Passion clouds our eyes,
The eyes that are the windows to our souls.
Passion filling us with confidence and fire.
Fire to be strong when we are weak.
Fire. To say all that we have held back.
The flame to burn away all doubt and insecurities.
Passion.
The strength in our voices as we yell out our words.
The strength in each word uttered.
Strength! Strength to be stronger every day.
The passion in our voice as we sing out our favorite song.
The reason we say what we say and how we say it.
Passion for our writing.
Inspiration around every corner.
This is passion.
Welcome to Wonderland
The Caterpillar sits,
Smoking away the day.
Laughing as you struggle,
Only wanting to run away.
The Mad Hatter sings,
To you a happy unbirthday.
Not the day you were born.
But the day you will fade.
His smile appears,
His body gone.
He warns you of terror,
To awake before dawn.
"Welcome to Wonderland."
The White Rabbit sneers.
"I'm late," he says,
As he leaves you with your fears.
Now the Queen of Hearts you meet.
She invites you to play a game.
Then accuses you of cheating.
Her temper goes untamed.
The Cards of her Majesty,
Drag you away,
While you curse and scream,
The Queen caught her prey.
"Off with their head!"
The old woman screams.
Cheers erupt from the audience.
If only this were a dream.
The Cheshire Cat lays on the edge,
Of the mirror between worlds.
Your life he tries to save.
But into death you are hurled.
Welcome to Wonderland.
The place you will stay.
Trapped in this nightmare.
With your life you will pay.
I Grew Up
Who am I?
Who are you to tell me that I can’t do something?
I am who I am and I will do what I want to do.
You know, I grew up with a loving family, surrounded by friends.
I grew up writing every day and reading a book at night.
I grew up! I grew up scare of who I will become.
Who I might be when I am nothing.
I lived my life scared that I will lose myself.
Scared,
That one day I will look to my mother, with tears in my eyes, and say,
“I can’t do this anymore.”
As I crumble to my knees.
I am afraid.
I am weak.
But I will not! Let you tell me what I can do.
I will grow up how I want.
I will make my opportunities and fix my aching soul.
I grew up better than this.
I will become better than me.
And I will not! Be scared anymore.
Not anymore.
Everything and Forever
The softness of his lips,
The loving caress of my cheek,
The understanding and care in his eyes,
The protection of being held in his arms,
The comfort of his heartbeat,
The safety of being close,
The happiness in his voice,
He is my one and only.
He is my sweetheart,
My everything, my forever.
Tick Tick Tick
Listen to your heart beat,
Tick Tick Tick
Faster and faster
Filling you with heat.
Like a bomb set to go.
Tick Tick Tick
Time runs out
Feel the blow.
Death rests for no one
Tick Tick Tick
He's here for you
Better run.
Your heart stops in his wake
Tick … Tick
Your life runs out
Souls he begins to take.
He steals you last
Tick … …
Death takes you away
The pain goes fast.
Listen to your heart beat,
.......
Against Death you are no one.
Admit defeat.
Descending
Falling into my own darkness,
Being swallowed by my sorrow and fears,
Lying to myself and everyone around me,
I just keep drowning in a sea of regret and anxiety.
I'm so alone in this world.
Left to crumble into myself,
Rotting from the inside out.
Lost with no hope of being found.
No one understands the pain I go through every day.
Pretending I'm someone I'm not.
Lying to get through the day.
Escaping reality by creating a fantasy world in my mind.
I have nothing to hold onto.
Nothing solid to keep me from falling further.
My heart is breaking,
Pushing me deeper into my depression.
Why do I feel so numb inside?
I cannot speak my heart.
I cannot move at my own pace.
I cannot even think for myself anymore.
7 Deadly Sins
Be silent you worthless creature!
Be still your thrashing about.
Your chains are made of haunted essence.
Thy soul sold to Satan’s realm.
Stop your growling and snarling.
Silence thy whimpering; it is just pain.
Hear the crack of my whip as it snaps before you.
Step back wild animal!
Hell will welcome your Sins.
Lust, Wrath, Pride, Greed,
Sloth, Envy, Gluttony;
You are the foulest of beasts.
A slave to personal biddings.
Be thankful Hell has welcomed you like Heaven will never.
Your Sins have dug your grave.
Satan’s darkest demons will eat you alive.
You will burn in your ashes.
Be silent you creature of Sin!
Feel the sting of my whip across your chest.
Be gone. Hell has come to your sleep.
Birthday Girl
Congratulations my dear
friend.
It is your birthday once again.
May your days be filled
with happiness.
Maybe soon you'll become an actress.
Don't
let others keep you down.
Remember your first touchdown.
I know
this poem makes no sense.
In fact, it even makes me tense.
Today
is your birthday.
And although I may be far away,
Remember that
I'll always be by your side.
I'll always be your ally.
So
now I want you to smile!
Or else I'll give you a bad
hairstyle.
I'll bring you a bouquet,
Every year on your
birthday.
Happy birthday my dear friend.
For this is your
special weekend.
Bloody Midnight
Midnight strikes.
The moon disappears.
A castle rises from the ground.
Darkness swallows our souls.
Demons laugh,
As they slit our throats quickly,
Drinking our blood,
Eating our muscles away.
Time is frozen.
We cannot fight back.
The earth bleeds,
A red river flows.
Demons fly,
Catching their prey.
Prisoners!
That is what we are.
When midnight strikes,
We are chained to the ground.
Unable to run from this horrid nightmare.
Unable to catch a dying breath.
The demons keep us only as food.
We can try to resist,
The temptations they may bring.
But it’s all in vain.
Looking like fallen angels,
They draw us in through love.
Only for us to be betrayed!
And killed for their own game.
More blood flows.
When Midnight strikes,
The demons will rise again,
For their dinner is here to stay.
A bloody midnight it is.
A glorious midnight.
A horrid midnight.
But a bloody one indeed.
The Battle
Let my pen be my sword,
My words my shield.
Let the battle be fought,
The paper as the battlefield.
The blood is the ink,
That stains each sheet.
The curves and lines of words,
That are etched into the ground with the so called blood.
My sword will follow through the cut,
My pen not once hesitating.
My words will not be broken,
My shield will stay strong.
My pen protects.
My words shield.
We fight, long and hard,
Until the battle is won.
I won't back down.
My sword will not be lowered.
My shield will not be put away.
This is my story of battle.
I will write of ever action,
Of every cut made,
And of every ounce of bloodshed.
My pen and words are my weapons of battle.
Look around.
The paper is full of the stained ink.
There is a story behind every word.
Who's to tell them all?
The writer is who.
With her sword and shield,
She runs into battle.
Staining everything in her path.
This is her battle.
This is her sword and shield.
This is her battlefield.
This is her story.
With her pen as a sword,
Her words as her shield.
The paper, her battlefield.
The ink her blood.
She fights on until the battle is done.
Every word written for a purpose.
All the sheets stained for one reason.
For her story to be told to all who wish to hear it.
Through Heaven’s Eyes
Through the eyes of an angel,
You are someone special.
They protect you when things get difficult.
And smile with you when things are well.
With an angel by your side,
You can speak freely.
Letting out how you truly feel,
Without being judged by the mortals around you.
An angel will tell you it's alright.
They will tell you that they are fine.
They won't tell about their own problems,
Just so you don't worry.
Through the eyes of an angel,
You are someone close.
Someone they feel they can trust.
You are someone special.
Let no one tell you that this can't be true.
Believe in what you see yourself.
Look at her through your own eyes,
And she will look at you through hers.
An angel cares about you.
Telling you that she would risk everything to help,
Not thinking of the consequences in return.
Through her eyes you are something else.
Through the eyes of an angel,
Through your own eyes,
Through the eyes of heaven,
You are someone Special.
Silence
They use to say that words can never hurt you.
People would tell you to ignore the voices.
But words are the reason for our depression,
Our schizophrenia and insanity.
It is because of the words we choose to speak,
Without considering how they may affect the one that hears.
Words have more power than they seem.
Criticizing how we look and think.
Complementing our work and ambitions.
One word can have a thousand meanings.
One sentence can save a life, or break it without remorse.
A speech can inspire millions.
All it takes are words.
The power they hold can bring a kid to death.
Suicide, from bullies forcing their words down their throat.
Apologize; it can heal the deepest cuts.
Stutter
Thoughts are constantly racing through my mind.
Words, sentences, pictures; all at one time.
Sometimes I’ll be in the middle…
Of writing a sentence when a new topic comes along.
Forever is a long time to be cursed.
Eternity is even longer if you think about it.
Life always in fast forward;
Racing to catch up.
Sometimes I stutter when speaking.
This is because…
Because my mind moves too fast for my mouth.
People laugh and make fun because I have this curse.
I’ll be writing about one topic, one story,
When I lose interest and another thought pops into my head.
I think, “Okay, maybe this one will keep my interest.”
I’m horribly mistaken.
The only thoughts I can keep,
The only ones organized enough,
Are those I have when writing poetry.
Only then do I have relief of my curse.
You Matter
People look at me and see a happy girl.
I look at myself and see a hurting one.
You look at me and see someone beautiful.
I look at myself and see someone plain.
People don't see that I'm not happy.
I don't see how they can't.
If you look at my eyes,
I'm sure you can tell.
You tell me that I'm beautiful,
I try to tell you that you're wrong.
You say that I'm the only one.
I try not to prove otherwise.
Around others,
I'm not happy.
I have no emotion.
I put on a fake smile for them.
With you,
I'm ecstatic.
I show love and happiness.
I want to stay by your side and keep those feelings.
People don't matter.
I don't care.
You love me most.
That's all that matters in the end.
Forever
Forever I hide in the
shadows,
waiting
for the day,
when
you will come to find me.
To
stay beside me.
Forever
you will run.
Into
the light so you will not meet me.
Am
I really that impossible?
Do
you detest me?
I
hide in the shadows,
So
that I will not be hurt.
I
don't get too close,
for
I know it will only end in heartbreak.
Forever
hiding.
Forever
running.
Forever
searching.
Forever
yours.
The
light burns my skin.
The
kiss melts my senses.
The
shadows protect me.
Do
you still detest me?
Forever
I will hide,
in
the shadows I will reside.
I
will wait for the day,
when
you will come to say...
"I
love you.
Forever
in my heart."
But,
I know,
that
it will not be true.
For
this is only a poem.
A
fantasy, if you will.
And
so,
I
will continue to hide.
Forever
I hide in the shadows,
waiting
for the day,
when
you will come to find me,
to
stay beside me.
Death’s Horn Blows
Death is a
silent whisper in the wind.
Dancing
on the moon at night,
under
the scorching heat of a thousand suns.
Seeing
the raspy breath of Reaper's life,
as
the snow falls gently upon your soul.
Death's
apprentice, Izzy Rai.
Death
screams in the still night air,
and
laughter wills the void in life.
Reaper's
duty bamboozling souls out of mortals.
Taking
one to give life.
The
silent gift of sorrow Death brings you.
Upon
his head thorns prick and bleed,
dull
jewels lacking brilliance adorn his crown.
The
pounding of Izzy Rai's heart as she yearns for Death's favor.
Grace
herself asks for Death's assistance.
She
calls to the reaper so suicide comes tomorrow.
No
sooner she prepares, no later so she gets help.
To
become a soul frozen in time.
Izzy
Rai, there to stop time.
Death
to separate Grace from this world.
Last
words leave he lips,
"tha
s'agapo panta"
I
will always love you.
The
rope clung to her neck,
as
she clung to her love.
Izzy
Rai shed a tear,
her
friend gone,
her
own love unanswered.
Death's
horn blows once more.
Together Again on Earth
Tonight
is the night my love.
The
night everything changes for us.
Under
the stars and moon above,
we
will run away from our troubles together.
We
will run past the Appalachian Mountains,
to
the coast of California.
There
we will rest by a fountain,
until
tomorrow comes again.
When
the sun finally rises on the west,
we
will continue our journey over the world's edge.
Our
deepest secrets confessed,
our
love our drive to go on.
I
will do anything for you.
I
promise nothing can tear us apart.
This
love I know is true,
forever,
even past this earth.
House of Night
Humans lay their heads to rest,
Nightfall comes with Nyx's bless.
Fledglings and vampires alike come to play,
To the Temple of Nyx we pray.
Ancient soul of dirt and clay.
Zoey Redbird left to slay,
The Fallen Warrior of Goddess Night.
An ancient tale worth to write.
Trapped within the dirt,
Spirits of his children roam the earth.
Bodies of man and wings of bird,
The ruffle of feathers is all that's heard.
The Red One, a different priestess of a new breed.
Shall cause an evil to emerge when she bleeds.
Stark's arrow stays true to its mark,
Straight through Earth's beating heart.
Darkness covers the skies,
No light or sun meets the eyes.
But dark isn't always associated with evil,
What matters now is a lost soul’s retrieval.
Nightingale
Why am I scared of the darkness that surrounds me?
The darkness that I have come to be fond of?
At night, I sit at my window,
Waiting for the darkness to break and watch the moon shine through.
The cool night air makes me feel safe.
The feel of my nerves tensing at the cool touch
Thrills me as it sends shivers up my body.
Oh, how I wish to hear the nightingale sing its sorrowful song.
I love sitting here, at my windows edge,
Looking down at the darkened world below.
A small light from above is all it takes,
To make me feel safer in this darkness.
For if it were true on these nights,
I would not dare to even look out my closed window,
In fear that the darkness will enter and capture me as I stand in its path.
Still, I open it to listen,
To watch the nightingale fly by,
Waiting for it to sing its frozen song on these
Frozen Nights.
Intoxicating Love
Your warm arms wrap around my waist,
Pulling me closer to your chest.
You place a kiss lightly on my head,
As I lean back to rest against you.
I gaze up at your deep hazel eyes,
My own taking in every detail.
A blush fills my cheeks,
A smiles dance across my lips.
I close my eyes,
Bringing back that special memory,
Of the day I fell in love.
The day I gave my heart to you.
When I lay my head upon your chest,
I listen to you heart as it beats,
Faster and faster; growing louder with each beat.
I smile to myself and snuggle in close.
The simple sound of your voice,
Is intoxicating.
I lose myself in your whispers,
Becoming drunk with love.
I take a deep breath,
Taking in your sweet smell.
Wanting you closer to me,
So I may keep my sanity in this world.
When I leave for the day,
I can’t help but think of you.
Of your soft, sweet lips,
Kissing mine.
You make my heart race with excitement.
You get me drunk off your love.
You make me need you.
You make me love you.
Arranged
As I walk along this hall,
I have to wonder if it’s worth it all.
My family and friends,
All lost with the wind.
A new love will come to play,
My heart he will have to sway.
As he looks at me with those soft, mysterious eyes,
I wonder if it’s true that we both look at the same sky.
From different worlds we were raised,
Today our hearts go unfazed.
Is he to move my protected heart?
Or are we simply meant to part?
Who’s to tell me how to feel?
Not some man, thinking of me as only a jewel.
I will decide who I will give my heart to,
For I want this love to be true.
To be forced to marry,
The thought is just scary.
My Love
I hold the sound of his soft, sweet whispers close to my heart.
Each word echoing louder than the last.
Feeling them fill me with such warmth and happiness.
Never wanting them to fade.
The feel of his touch,
Making me blush to no end.
His hand caresses my cheek,
Pulling me closer to a kiss.
My mind is occupied by thoughts of him.
I smile at the sound of his voice.
My eyes shine at the sight of him.
My heart jumps when we are close.
I love him with all my heart.
I really and truly do.
When I find myself starting to think of him,
My heart begins to beat faster and faster with each passing breath.
The look he gets in his eyes makes my heart melt.
I can't imagine what he must see.
How he must see me.
Just looking into his eyes makes me fall in love all over again.
Tears
The beauty of a tear,
Gleaming bright as it falls,
From the face of a crying girl,
Making even sadness appear beautiful.
Watch as the tear falls,
Running slowly down her cheek.
A sorrowful tear escaping,
Dying finally in her lips.
A single tear,
Can over shadow even a thousand smiles.
The sadness in a tear,
Is equal to the happiness in a kiss.
A tear is filled with a saddened memory.
Thoughts of sorrow that fill her mind.
Tears of sadness that make her weak.
Her weakness being the beginning of the tear.
My Questions of the Heart
You tell me to ask,
The questions that lurk inside my heart.
Telling me that I want to ask,
When I do but don't.
I like the way we are now,
In this timeless bliss.
But still,
I wonder if I really could ask.
In my heart,
I want to know the truth.
But at the same time,
I want it to be kept hidden.
Does he like me?
What does he truly think of me?
These two questions,
Are heavy anchors in my heart.
I want to know,
I really do.
I'm just scared,
Of the answers he might give.
What if he says no?
What is he says yes?
Will things change?
Will our friendship end?
I won't ask.
This I promise myself.
I won't lose to my desire,
The wanting of an answer.
Stained
All I can see
is darkness.
My heart runs cold.
My emotions disappear.
I've
lost myself.
There is no point,
in living in a stained
world.
No reason to keep my life.
I am empty.
I hold
this dagger,
to my heart.
The blood seeping through;
Running
down my ice cold skin.
Shaking softly,
the snow falls from
the velvet sky.
I fall to my knees.
This world is stained with
blood.
Amazing
It’s amazing how you are always there to listen.
You are always there to make me feel safe and sound.
You convince me that I’m not the one at fault,
And that you love me with all your heart.
You mean everything to me.
More than words could describe.
I would do anything for you.
I have already given you my heart.
It’s amazing how you always seem so calm,
Even if you are mad or irritated.
I’m glad that you look concerned for me when I am hurting.
And you smile when I make you happy.
Never change.
Always be the man I fell in love with.
You are amazing the way you are.
And you are the way you should be.
Where is He?
In the shadows of the night
I run from my dreams.
Scared to see,
My nightmare takes form.
I cannot sleep.
He will come if I do.
I do not want to die.
I can feel him inside my mind.
When I close my eyes to rest,
He creeps into my mind.
Toying with me.
Torturing me.
His face is stained with my blood.
A knife in his hands,
His large hands.
He is taller than a tree.
I'm scared.
Someone save me!
I turn to the man,
Leave me alone!
NO!
I jolt awake.
Sweat is dripping from my face.
A nightmare again.
They are staring,
My peers in class.
Are they worried?
Are they scared too?
I look around.
Where is he?
I need him.
Only he knows.
A flash in my mind.
The man from my dreams.
I cry in pain.
Where is he?
Someone touches me.
I look up,
Tears are blurring my sight.
Is it him?
He picks me up,
Carries me out,
Whispering sweet words.
I'm at peace.
My nightmares scare me.
I want to die because of them.
But he helps.
He saves me.
Pain
Pain sears down my spine.
My head is throbbing.
My chest is tight.
I can’t see through these bloody tears.
My breath is shallow.
My knees grow weak, my legs fold beneath me.
My mind is fuzzy.
More pain shoots through my body.
I drag my heavy body through the blood stained hall.
I’m blinded by the darkness that surrounds me.
My stomach gives in,
I heave up a vile liquid that gives off a glint of crimson.
Another shot of pain.
More blood spills through my mouth.
My arms are shaking uncontrollably.
I lean forward and fall into the hardwood floor.
It pains my lungs to breathe the crisp air.
The oxygen seems to be dead set on murdering me from the inside out.
For what sin have I committed to bring this upon myself?
Try as I may, the strength to fight this flees me.
I push myself to my feet,
Willing myself to flee the horror that has come upon me.
I push against the spinning walls surrounding me,
They do little to support my lead-weighted body.
“And thou shalt never know.”
The words echoed in my mind,
Each syllable pressing against the border of my consciousness.
“Thou shall forever be kept in the darkness.”
Run Like Hell
Flick the flame on in the darkened night.
Close in on the wick until you’re just about there.
Count to three.
One. Two. Three.
Run like hell.
The wick is caught and sparks fly as the flame races toward ignition.
A loud pop like a bomb going off rings in your ears.
A spark flies into the night sky, climbing higher to the stars.
Another pop and color is falling overhead.
Crackles of gunpowder hitting sparks echo through the hills.
Thuds of empty shells hit the wet grass.
The pitter patter of rain droplets hit your skin.
Another loaded shell is dropped into the barrel.
The lighter is positioned and flickered awake.
One. Two. Three.
Run like hell.
Two shots fly toward the sky and explode with an array of colors.
The barrel tips over.
Screams and laughter fill your ears as sparks and explosions whiz past you.
The rain droplets take out the remaining sparks.
You run like hell out of the downpour and into the garage where it’s dry.
People are scurrying around to save the food and fun.
People are laughing and smiling all around you.
Happy Independence Day.
Monologues
A short collection of monologues I have created over the years.
Charlie: (sitting back against the old blue vintage chair that sat in the back corner of the darkened coffee shop, Charlie slowly brings her steaming hot chocolate to her lips) Why is it that in this world, there is hardly anyone to trust? And when we do trust in someone we lose trust in ourselves? There must be a reason behind the pain one feels in their heart when they admit to a secret and tell that one person they gave their heart and mind to. (takes a sip and closes her eyes, letting the warmth of the hot liquid slide down her throat, filling her body) It’s scary to think that one day they are there for you, you telling them anything and everything; and the next they are gone, not daring to come into your life again because of what was said. (opens her eyes and looks around the shop) It pains me to think this but there is nothing in my mind to stop these thoughts from emerging and taking control. What is trust? And why do we need it? Ha! (chuckles softly to self) Trust huh? It’s useless to trust because not one person will stay by your side once it is gained and the secrets are spilled. Everyone will leave and there will be none left to hear your sorrowful cries and wipe away your saddened tears. (smirks and leans back in the chair, making the back hit the wall) No one… You’ll be all alone in this chaotic world. Even I… (pauses) I will have no one I can turn to when things get hard. No one to talk with when my emotions are too much to handle. (looks up at the grayed ceiling, eyes on the brim of tears, and heaves a heavy sigh) Trust is pointless. It will only end in a broken heart and depressed mind. And yet, it’s human nature. It’s human to trust, just like it’s human to show emotion. (slams the chair down, causing a loud echo throughout the shop, allowing heads to turn) If that may be true, then let me be inhuman! I would rather not be human that to be subject to foolish emotions and the want to trust and be trusted. Everyone is suspicious of everyone and no amount of emotion or wanting can change that undying fact! (stares ahead, the illusion of tears now gone, face showing such anger, such disgust, many get up and leave, not understanding what is running through Charlie’s mind) Trust. Hum-bug! No such thing. Just as it is human nature to trust, it is also nature to betray. Screw those fools who put their life on the line, as well as their hearts, for the sake of trust. Let them get caught by the emotions of sadness, anger, disappointment, and rage! They deserve it all for believing that they can trust in trust. (gets up quickly, her anger slowly turning into envy and sadness. she sighs once more, looking at the now empty shop) Still, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to, just once; trust in another human being... (shakes head and moves to the front of the shop, throwing away the half empty hot chocolate) That can never happen. There is no one out there for me so I will be, and will always be, alone. No one can fill this void in my heart. I guess now, the only thing that keeps me sane, is my job at the clinic. With so many trusting me, I have to keep sane so I do not disappoint. (opens the door, the bell chiming) So many people depend on me to solve their problems and yet there is no one there to solve mine. I'm alone in this small town in a small world. (she looks back one last time before heading out to the cold streets, letting the now falling snow hide her shadow as she walked away)
Background/ Situation: Myra is leaving the house to spend the day with her boyfriend of 3 years. They often argue about different opinions but they still loved each other no matter what. It is the day after Myra’s birthday and they are going to leave for some alone time away from their friends and parents. As her boyfriend leads her to the other side of the car, he starts talking about her in a bad manner, such as how her opinions and views on different things were absurd. They had just gotten over a fight, just an hour before, so Myra isn’t in the mood to listen. She goes off and gets in his face, telling him how she has a right to her own opinions and her views on things are her own and that he doesn’t have to like it.
Myra: (walks alongside her boyfriend, trying to conceal her anger over what he just said) You must be mistaken. (boyfriend tries to cut in but is interrupted when Myra calmly continues) My opinions and views are not absurd. They are my own thoughts pertaining to different and individual matters. (stops walking and looks up at the man, her voice becoming louder) Don't give me that dull look! I am allowed to have my own opinion, whether you like it or not. (takes a deep breath and rapidly continues, now yelling) I said not to give me that look! I will not tolerate your ignorance a moment longer. I am your girlfriend, yes, and because of that I will voice my views to you because I trust you and hope we can come to an agreement about our opposite opinions. (tears form and a few roll down her cheeks)
(Raises her voice) You are so stupid sometimes! This is the twentieth century for god sakes. Women are allowed to share their views and voice their opinions to the world without being told to shut up. (begins to pace in front of the man) I don't have to stay silent and just watch as you walk around, ignoring the fact that there are people out there that see things different. People that see the world in different colors than you. (starts to shake softly, closing her eyes and lowers her head as she continues speaking)
Please! (lowers voice) Please, just open your eyes and look at me, I mean really look at me. I'm a young woman that is allowed to make her voice heard by the one she loves. Don't you see that? Don't you realize that I'm different? I- (hesitated for a moment before continuing swiftly) I don't know if you're the right one for me anymore. We fight and you never listen to me. Dismissing everything I say, just so that you don't have to listen to something that's different from your ideal views. (walks away from her boyfriend, now heading back toward her house as she goes on speaking) Until you can get it through your head that I have opinions and views on life different from yours, we can never be together. I'm sorry. Good bye. (runs inside, slamming the door behind her, leaving her boyfriend standing there, silent and staring in disbelief)
Essay Thoughts
Essays I have written in my free time when I am alone and with nothing else left to do.
Love is Here Waiting
Love is the racing beat of an innocent heart. It is what gives each person hope in days to come. Love is when you know that you’ve found the one, even without ever meeting them. Love is to understand that they are out there, searching for you. It is the goofy smile that dances across your lips every time you think of them; the fits of giggles when they complement you. Love is the flutter in your stomach when you hear their name. It is knowing that in the deepest part of your soul that it was meant to be; that you don’t ever want to let them go. Love is trusting them to catch you when you fall, no matter how far or how hard. It’s finding them perfect with all of their imperfections. To look at them and think of how lucky you are and how amazing this person is. Love is the warm feeling you get when you’re with them, like they are the fire in the coldest nights.
Love is accepting everything about them. It’s accepting their past and their future with you. Love is sharing every secret, every worry and every moment of happiness. Love is the bond between two hearts that deserve to be together as one, as they were meant to be. We were created to find our matching hearts in this world, to find the meaning of love and knowing, right then and there, that they are your match; that you are both here to complete each other.
Love is not easy. Love is not a simple feeling. Love is full of ups and downs. Excitement and disappointment. It is the thrill in our bodies that gives us hope. Love is unique to every heart. Some may find it young, while other will find it when older. But it remains there, in the very center of our hearts, no matter how hardened by the pain and suffering that it may have endured. It is there for us when we most need it. Love knows no limitations. It cannot be subject to the norm. Love can be found in every person. In homosexuals, heterosexuals, and bisexuals. It is still in every heart and love will always find a way to show true to the world.
Love is the miracle of finding a lost love. It is the nervousness to talk to a crush or the courage to act on your feelings. Love is a simple kiss on the cheek that can send electricity down your spine. It is the feeling like your nerves are set on edge. That the slightest touch by your special person can heighten your senses. Love is magical. Changing life to feel like a dream. You feel like you can do anything. It is the cloudiness of your senses with each kiss. The haze in your mind when you feel their lips against yours. Love is every hug you shared, never wanting to let go.
Love is the desire to protect the one closest to you. To show the world that they need only you. Love is worrying more about their happiness than your own. Love is brushing away every tear and seeing them smile when you kiss. Love is worth the past heartaches. They showed you what you were not looking for so that when you found it, you wouldn’t let it go. Love is amazing, giving people strength to be with the one they love, no matter the obstacles. It is the inspirations to find new ways to make them smile, laugh, and make their hearts skip a beat. But, even with all these words, love cannot be explained. Love is the heart that we give to one person; one person we know will take care of it, just as we will take care of theirs. Love is more than a million words can describe and lasts longer than time can hold. This is love. And love is here, waiting.
Reality and Meaning
It's amazing how far away the world seems when you open your eyes to see a land beyond reality. The passing cars, the open shops, the clueless people walking past, unaware of the world that could be. How long have we lived like this? That is not an east question to answer. Perhaps we choose not to see. Waning to believe life is only as simple as live and die. But there is more. There is more to understand about why we are here. To open our eyes and see what is unseen. To understand what we cannot comprehend.
If you let your mind free, let it wonder beyond all limits, you will see the world in brighter colors. You can feel the energy inside you, waiting, wanting, to be unleashed. Look around; see the world as it is. Imagine the possibilities that will give us meaning. The meaning for what is up to you. What happens after you find this meaning is unknown.
When we die, is there a heaven that waits with open arms for our arrival? Or a Hell, ready to torture us with our deepest fears and who we really are but pretend not to be? Maybe there are both, equal in their own spiritual world. Maybe there is nothing and we allow our bodies to rot in the earth. Whatever it is though, it is that.
People don't realize it but the life we take for granted as we are living is the life we cling to as we die. However, in the darkest hours of death, we understand meaning. We realize just how far from reality we really are. And with this understanding there is hope and bliss.
If we realized this earlier in our lives, perhaps we could have bettered ourselves or learn to move on, enlightening the world we know of, of what could be, of what we have witnessed and learned from.
Perchance we over think meaning and ruin what was given to us. We lock ourselves in reality when we do this, sheltering our minds from grasping the true concept of what it means to live and die. To do more than what we would normally do. Step out of the world of reality and seek beyond other dimensions.
Sticks and Stones
The saying goes, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Adults tell this to their kids all the time, but what if it’s not true? What if words had power and took form? They attack even the deepest part of your soul and cause cuts and bruises to your physical being. Sticks and stones are no longer the only things that can break bones and cause scars. Your words can cause internal bleeding, cuts across your skin, bruised muscle, death, permanent damage, and a shattered soul. Sometimes even causes emotional distress and paranoia. Words have power and will be used for the stupidest of reasons. Watch what you say, you never know who you are killing inside.
September 11
On September 11, 2001, a terrorist attack struck the twin towers. Many were killed and injured that day because of the plane crash. People around the United States still grieve the losses of those that lost their lives that day. Bystanders, firefighters, and police officers died.
Others around the world might have thought we would crumble. That we became weaker because of the attack. We may have lost many, but did we give up? No! We became stronger. We are still standing tall after eight years. Granted, we may not be any safer but we are still here. They can try to knock us down but we will get right back up again.
We are strong because our grieving hearts do not want to lose any one else. We stand, hand in hand, to protect our country. The United States are not to be trifled with. "United we stand, together we fall."
Because of 9-11, our hearts cannot take another attack like the one eight years ago. But, we strive on out weakness. It is our drive to protect that keeps this country safe from others. We protect our hearts from hurt by uniting as one country. Firefighters and police officers risk their lives every day going to work to protect us and them. We look to them for protection at times but only we can protect ourselves. Only we can keep ourselves strong.
Cracked Mask
For
as long as I can remember I have forced myself to change who I am. I
mirror the personalities of others to the point I have lost my
individuality. I don't know who I am anymore. However, that isn't
what truly scares me. What scares me is that no one has ever seen
past the mask I have created. No one has taken a second look into my
eyes or questioned my reasoning. I met my boyfriend January 16, 2010.
He saw me when no one else has. He helped me through my problems and
was with me every step of the way through my recovery. I found a
piece of myself because of him. I found my confidence to tell the
world who I am and the Hell I have put myself through to make sure
those around me are happy.
I
have pushed my issues to the side just so that others don't worry. I
pretend to be strong when in reality I am weak. Most of the time,
when people are speaking to me, my thoughts are elsewhere or I am
thinking to myself, "I don't care." I have put myself down
and killed my soul slowly just to make others feel good about their
self. I refuse to do this anymore. I will stand up for myself. I will
not put up with this ignorance of a friend's mental stability. I have
had thoughts of getting into an accident and dying. I have thought
about what it would be like to cut. But I didn't do it. What stopped
me and what saved me from those thoughts are my boyfriend, my love,
and what he would say, how he would react, and how I am stronger than
that.
I
am a coward. I was a coward. I'm done with it. I'm done pretending to
be someone I'm not. I'm not loud. I'm not quiet either. I don't know
all the answers. I need someone to lean on too. And for a while,
before I met my boyfriend, I had no one. Everyone turned to me and I
gave them bullshit advice just to help them through the day or the
week. It was good advice though. Most of it, I should take too. But
I'm too proud for that. "I don't have problems." "I
can handle it by myself." These are the lies I have told myself
since I was in 4th grade. I'm not that strong. I have kept to myself
so that I wouldn't burden those around me. But you know what? Fuck it
all. I am at my limit.
I
will walk into school Monday morning and tell myself that that day
will be different. I won't force a smile. I won't pretend to be
someone I'm not or to feel something I don't. This is my life. This
is who I am. And if they don't like it, they can kiss my ass. I will
go to school and do well for no one but me. To my friends that have
bought a copy of this book and read this, I hope you know that this
wasn't brought on by any of you. I have been messed up for a long
time. Because of something that happened before 4th grade, I have
forced myself to forget and change. I chose to kill myself to keep
others happy. I'm not doing it anymore. I CHOOSE to tear this mask
away and be myself. The girl I am with my love and the girl I have
always been; I just have to remember who she is without the help of
my boyfriend.
Thank
you Austin, my one and only love. You believed in me and gave me the
strength to tell everyone the truth. You chipped the mask. Now I'm
tearing it down.
Short Stories
I was never really one for writing stories. Poetry has always stuck with me. However, I have been able to come up with a few short stories.
Life in Death
Silent sorrow of life in death. The kiss of lust for pain. For what crime has she committed to endure such misery? She has loved. She lusted for one that could never be. The sweet scent of cinnamon spice fills her senses. Her heart aches to hold him; to kiss him. The woman yearns to feel his hot tender lips against her own. Another tear escapes her ocean eyes of a deep abyss. Life without is like death with. Two cannot be one and together. With silent sobs, she falls to the icy oak floor. Cradling her stomach, she recalls the last moment she has with her one true love. That night of such heated passion, not even Hell could withstand. Her light chestnut hair hung loosely from her pony-tail. Her small body quivered as she pulled her hands from her body and stared at the crimson stain that masked her true color. Blood shed from her lover's heart that has ceased to beat because of her; because of her love for him and the jealousy of another man. A pain ran through her body and wet tears streaked her dirty face. Mascara ran with the ears, leaving her pale cheeks streaked in black. Gasping for air, she continued to sob, pulling herself closer to the body. His short blond hair was wet from sweat that came from his struggle for life. His hazel eyes are soulless now, love gone from them. His body was lifeless, still tall and muscular. But all warmth has gone from him, his strong heart silent. The woman mourned for the loss of two hearts. Hers and his. Her own had gone cold, unable to feel anything except the sorrow of losing one she held dear. She rests her head upon his bloody chest, crying out with a loud scream. The murder was gone from the scene now. He ran at the sight of first blood. He dared not see the pain he has cause the one he so desperately 'loved.' He had not loved her at all though. He merely wished to see the one that captured her heart suffer. The small woman looked like a child now as she cried for her love; for her soul-mate.
Hours passed before she finally rose from the body. All life has drained from her soul. She felt as if she was nothing; a thoughtless shell. Then, in the silent of her home, a voice rang true in the back of her mind. “Life goes on for others but not for you. Kill the murderer who took your lover's soul.” The woman was tempted to listen to the voice. Slowly, she walked to the large kitchen that resided on the other side of the house. The house, a one-story suburban home, was silent except for the howl of nearby wolves. The floor creaked below the weight of this woman, even if she did not weigh even 120 pounds. Entering the kitchen, the woman moved to the granite counter to the side by the black refrigerator. Upon it, knives of every size was neatly placed within a block of wood. With a shaky hand, the woman reached forth and pulled the largest one. With her lifeless blue eyes she stared into the blade at the reflection of herself. On the other side, she saw no one. She was nothing in this world now that her heart has shattered. She bore witness to the murder of her husband by the hand of her best friend. She watched as blood poured from his wound and she lay helpless to the side. Drugged she was before all took place. A mysterious poison that rendered the poor woman paralyzed as the man she once trusted stabbed the one she loves. Her muscles still felt lethargy as she made the walk to the kitchen. As she held the blade up to eye level, another tear escaped. Her lower lip quivered as she placed the tip of the knife to her heart. With hesitation, she slowly pressed into her skin, drawing blood and causing a cut. With a gasp, she dropped the weapon and fell to her knees. Holding her head in shame, she wept. Crimson spread across her chest as her gown soaked up the warm liquid. She felt the blood creep down her skin. Her once brown hair was now a shining red from when she rests her head upon her husband's chest and from her own blood as it got caught in its path.
Her heart felt heavier than ever. Crawling ever so slowly back to that room, she bit her lip to keep from crying. If she were to die that night she was to do it in her love's arms. When she entered, the woman ignored the sight of blood and struggle, finding her way back to the cold body. Looking at his face she shook her head, blaming herself for his death. Sorrow filled the air and tears wet the floor. If she had not allowed herself to love then his life would not have been stolen. She placed a kiss upon his pale lips, closing her eyes and laying to recall the memories that they shared. Their anniversary. Their first kiss. Their first make out. A slight smile made its way upon her lips at the thought. They always argued over who began that kiss. He would always say that she did. She would shake her head and argue that it was him that began it all. She remembered their first date and the day that he proposed. He was always asking her to marry him when they text. Every time she would say of course with a bright smile planted upon her face. The woman remembered how he would always make her smile and blush to no end. He was always embarrassing her.
She recalled the day they wedded. The beautiful day they both said 'I do.' and began their lives together. The first time they made love, and all the days in between. The woman closed her eyes. They were not married for even a year before this fateful day. Had she not invited the man into her home this would never have happened. He had cried out in a fit of rage when he saw her husband emerge from the room, come over and wrap his arms around his lovely bride's waist. The man pulled a knife from his pocket and lashed at him. Her love was too quick though. He pushed her out of the way and moved in time to avoid the first attack. Her friend did not stop. He kept going after him until they came to this barren room where the fatal blow was made. It was her fault. And it was this guilt that would be her murderer. She would die painfully, being completely consumed by her emotions of sorrow. The woman knew that the man beside her would never return to her. The scent of cinnamon faded now, replaced by the scent of death lurking in the shadows of every corner. It was time for her to go to her husband at last. The cut she placed in her chest has bled this whole times, causing her to lose much blood. She would bleed to death just as her lover did. They would be together in a life after death.
Death vs. Life
Sorrow keeps Death awake in the night. Fear fuels him to continue on. Happiness means nothing to him for it only makes you hesitate. Love is unknown to him. Never receiving nor giving it, he is Death. Death knows no limitations on which souls to take. If one is close to learning something unnecessary, they will be killed by their own curiosity. He does not care for the weak and is entertained by those strong enough to continue fighting. In his eyes, those who give up on life should never have been born. As he fades between Time to haunt, the mortals of the world cower in fear for their fleeting life.
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